Welcome to the NVC Library

Roxy Manning discusses the distinction between group purpose and group agreements. Group purpose is identified as the reason for gathering, such as learning to facilitate groups with a focus on inclusion and contribution. Group agreements are the policies or intentions to support the purpose, like creating space for all voices or forming affinity groups to address identity-specific challenges. The emphasis is on how agreements facilitate the manifestation of the group's purpose.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• social change
• agreements
• groups
• group function
• group agreements
• group decisions
• purpose
• contribution
• inclusion
• intention

Aya Caspi delves into the impact of societal structures and parenting approaches on individuals, particularly the prevalence of extrinsic motivation rooted in fear of punishment, desire for rewards, and a sense of obligation. The emphasis is on how these dynamics contribute to collective trauma and affect brain development. Examples, such as Hitler's childhood and the adverse effects of the educational system, are used to illustrate the consequences of such practices. Aya advocates for systemic change in these structures and emphasizes the role of non-judgmental practices in potentially reducing adult depression. The discussion highlights the importance of empathy and challenges the traditional methods that may lead to emotional neglect and trauma, emphasizing the potential benefits of embracing non-judgmental approaches in parenting and societal frameworks.

• Aya Caspi
• childhood
• trauma
• parenting
• power over
• punishment
• reward
• obligation
• empathy
• depression
• education

“The Embodied Spirituality of Nonviolent Communication” is an introduction to NVC created from recordings of trainings Robert offered in Hawaii in 2006 on the islands of Maui and Kauai. 

This collection is a celebration of Robert's life and one way we can honor his outstanding work.

The original product was a set of DVDs. NVC Academy has converted the original 3 DVD set into 5 mp4 videos. We have taken care to preserve the original product while simultaneously upgrading to HD video and remastering the audio in this new mp4 format.

These teachings focus on the inner development and transformation of consciousness from which we enter into communication and relationships. 

You will experience:

• An introduction to NVC and to the Living Energy of Needs— including 3 different practice exercises
• Robert discussing the inner and spiritual foundations of NVC 
• How to Transform the Pain of Unmet Needs into the Beauty of Needs— including 2 demonstrations
• 3 demonstrations of how to Transform Core Jackal Beliefs
• Powerful question and answer sessions with workshop participants
• Discussion and experiential processes that support a consciousness of the “Beauty of Needs”
• Walking Meditation on The Beauty of Needs
• The Daily Practice of Living in the Embodied Spirituality of NVC

• Robert Gonzales
• NVC workshop
• Introduction to NVC
• meditation
• beauty of the needs
• spirituality
• consciousness
• NVC consciousness 
• core beliefs
• presence
• jackal

In this exercise choose a situation in which you got a “yes” to your request but you are not confident that it was agreed to freely or joyfully. Then explore your response to their “yes”, and possible unexpressed "no", with related observations, judgements, feelings, needs, requests, and alternate strategies that come up.

• submission
• yes behind the no
• duty
• obligation
• mixed yes
• empathy
• Inbal Kashtan
• Miki Kashtan

Roxy Manning delves into the concept of psychological safety, drawing from Amy Edmondson's definition as the shared belief among team members that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking. Roxy discusses the common misconception of safety within teams, where the absence of open discussions is mistaken for safety, creating an illusion of negative peace. Negative peace involves avoiding discomfort and maintaining comfort for those with structural or social power, often at the expense of others silently suffering. Roxy emphasizes the importance of differentiating between discomfort and true psychological safety, where teams can openly address challenging issues, even if it means temporary discomfort. She encourages naming and understanding these dynamics to foster a psychologically safe and inclusive team environment.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• safety
• safe space
• power
• teamwork
• inclusion

From a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) perspective, expressing vulnerabilities by labeling someone as selfish can create disconnection and conflict. Instead of fostering understanding and support, this type of communication often leads to misunderstanding and defensive reactions. Yoram Mosenzon demonstrates how expressing feelings and needs clearly and without judgment facilitates empathy and mutual understanding. This allows for genuine connection and the possibility of finding mutually satisfying solutions.

• nvc
• nonviolent communication
• feelings
• needs
• relationships
• nvc fundamentals
• personal development

As parents, aligning our values with our actual behavior can be challenging. In this video, Roxy discusses the importance of modeling behavior for children, both in how they handle challenges and in their overall approach to life. Her message encourages using real-life examples to show that everyone is a work in progress and that it's okay not to be perfect.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• NVC parenting
• compassion
• self judgment
• self judgement
• self compassion
• mourning
• single parent
• self care
• modeling
• values

Feelings and Needs form the cornerstone of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), offering a profound framework for cultivating empathy, compassion, and authenticity in our interactions. This comprehensive 9-page Feelings and Needs Reference Guide is designed to support you in integrating these vital concepts into your daily life.

By embracing the principles of feelings and needs, we pave the way for a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us. Through this understanding, we can foster harmonious connections, navigate conflicts with grace, and embark on a journey towards a life filled with fulfillment and meaningful relationships.

• NVC basics
• Feelings
• Needs
• Universal Human Needs
• Human Needs
• NVC Consciousness
• NVC Model
• NVC Structure
• NVC Fundamentals
• OFNR
• Learning Tool
• Needs List
• Emotions
• Sensations
• Feelings List

What would it be like if we raised children who already knew how to be inclusive, who already understood climate change, and who knew that they had a role in keeping our planet liveable? Roxy Manning believes that how we parent can support the next generation in showing up with an innate connection to Social Change.

• Roxy Manning
• Roxanne Manning
• social change
• climate change
• inclusion
• parenting
• NVC parenting

Trainer Tip

There is no way to peace; peace is the way.

—A.J. Muste

Have you ever noticed yourself doing something that shakes the serenity of your colleagues, your family, or yourself? We have become so used to conflict that we hardly know how to handle some situations without it.

Not long ago, I participated in a committee of Nonviolent Communication trainers. I was starting to tell myself that I wasn’t being heard or valued. Then I came up with an idea that I was sure the committee would want to hear. The more I thought about it, though, the more it became clear to me that probably none of them would like my idea. In fact, it could very likely be the stimulus for discontent in the group.

In that moment, I saw one of my behaviors that keep me from meeting my needs: When my needs for being heard and valued are not met, I do something to be seen, even if it causes conflict in the group. This behavior never helps me meet my original needs of being heard and valued.

So in this situation, rather than share my idea, which I thought would create conflict, I expressed that my needs to be seen and valued were not being met. Then I asked everyone in the group to tell me how my participation in this committee met their needs. This request brought clarity, warmth, support, and love, along with meeting my needs to be heard and valued.

Today, pick one self-defeating behavior you would like to change. Notice the needs you are trying to meet before taking action. Then ask yourself if your action is likely to have the desired effect.

This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press.

• conflict
• self sabotage
• serenity
• being heard
• being valued
• approval
• being liked
• Mary Mackenzie

Roxy Manning shares that facilitating equitable group dynamics involves tracking attention, needs, purpose alignment, resources, and impact. Identifying patterns in attention distribution, centered needs, and maintaining alignment with the purpose enhances inclusivity. Tracking internal and external resources, especially considering identity-related differences, prevents disparities. Recognizing who bears the impact, providing support, and addressing impactful issues contribute to fostering an equitable facilitation environment.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• social change
• agreements
• groups
• group function
• group agreements
• group decisions
• purpose
• contribution
• inclusion
• intention
• resources
• impact
• equity
• facilitation
• dominant group
• identity

Are you finding yourself grappling with the NVC model despite your familiarity or practice? Do you often feel stuck or find it challenging to make it feel natural or authentic in your interactions?

Dian guides you towards embodying the essence of NVC—a mindset of connection and collaborative engagement. Through her expertise, you'll discover invaluable insights tailored to make your NVC practice truly your own. From uncovering intuitive methods to discern feelings and needs, to seamlessly integrating NVC principles into your everyday speech, Dian empowers you with insider tips for authentic connection.

In this 2012 course recording, you'll embark on a transformative journey where you will:

• Immerse yourself in experiential exercises designed to enhance listening skills and foster self-awareness.
• Decode empathy by unraveling judgments to uncover the underlying feelings and needs.
• Adapt the traditional NVC framework to align effortlessly with everyday conversations.
• Harmonize your communication style with the energy and pace of your dialogue partners, fostering natural, fluid connections.

We're excited to share that this recording has received a major upgrade—it's now available as a video! This enhancement enriches your learning journey by incorporating features such as captions, searchable transcripts, and improved sound quality, offering added value to your experience.

Keywords:

• empathy
• exercises/practices
• expression
• feelings
• honesty
• needs
• presence
• strategies
• connection
• dialogue
• intention
• listening
• relationships
• naturalizing NVC
• collaboration
• street nvc
• street giraffe
• colloquial
• natural
• colloquial NVC
• naturalizing NVC
• captions
• searchable transcripts
• Dian Killian

Building relationships happens through dialogue and understanding the deeper meaning behind the words spoken. It’s about active listening that focuses on feelings and needs so you may truly comprehend the speaker’s message. In this video, Duke introduces two components of communication and how the restorative dialogue process supports mutual understanding.

• Duke Duchscherer
• applying NVC
• relationship building
• restorative
• communication
• dialogue

In this snippet from Duke Duchscherer's course, Restorative Dialogues: Transforming Conflict, Building Community Resilience, he shares a structured approach for conflict resolution or communication facilitation. It involves a facilitator guiding a conversation between two parties in conflict. The process begins with one party expressing their perspective while the other listens actively. The facilitator then prompts the listener to paraphrase what they heard, ensuring mutual understanding. This cycle continues until both parties feel heard. Subsequently, the facilitator encourages them to discuss potential solutions collaboratively. Once both sides are satisfied, the session concludes, with participants potentially swapping roles for further practice. The aim is for everyone involved to gain experience in effective communication and conflict resolution.

• Duke Duchscherer
• applying NVC
• conflict resolution
• disagreements
• facilitation
• listening
• misunderstanding
• NVC model
• to be heard

Trainer Tip

When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values.

—Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

Are you motivated by fear of punishment or negative consequences? Or are you motivated by a true inner desire? Research shows that long-lasting, permanent change comes when people have an intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while one is being observed (such as driving the speed limit when a police officer is present).

For instance, do you call your mother because you truly want to connect with her? Or do you call her because you’re worried she’ll feel hurt if you don’t? If the latter is your motivation, it is not likely that you call often, or that you enjoy the conversations.

When I started working for the Flagstaff Center for Compassionate Communication, they told me that we didn’t have set work hours, and that our pay was not dependent on a specific number of hours worked per week. I was flabbergasted, and I spent the first year trying to figure out how to gauge my effectiveness, usefulness, and contribution. I went from thinking I was working too hard to comparing my work habits with my colleagues and thinking I wasn’t working enough. After about a year of agonizing over this, I started to come to work because I truly valued and enjoyed it.

Now I work longer hours than I ever worked in higher education, I rarely feel tired or overworked, and I’m not preoccupied with wondering if I’m doing enough. Through this process, my motivation has shifted from extrinsic to intrinsic, and I am more productive and peaceful in my work.

Notice whether you are primarily intrinsically or extrinsically motivated today. How does this feel to you?

This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press.

• intrinsic
• extrinsic
• motivation
• change
• punish
• obligation
• fear
• values
• joy
• money
• Mary Mackenzie

In parenting, Roxy Manning notes the tendency for self-judgment and external judgment. Roxy suggests that being a single parent or a working parent influences your ability to implement parenting strategies. The importance of assessing the feasibility of strategies in one's current life context is emphasized. Roxy encourages self-compassion and mourning the gap between desired and achievable outcomes. Her message encourages understanding personal constraints and practicing self-compassion in parenting.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• Inbal Kashtan
• NVC parenting
• compassion
• self judgment
• self judgement
• self compassion
• mourning
• single parent

Yoram Mosenzon shares an exercise and demo to explore the process of identifying observations and using judgments (jackals) to find the needs.

• Yoram Mosenzon
• classical NVC
• exercises/practices
• jackal show
• observation
• judgment
• empathy guess
• needs

Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't smart. The impact of stories like this on a child's self-perception is long-lasting. Roxy urges us to consider the unintended messages that our words and actions may convey, as these narratives can be challenging to shift once established.

• Roxanne Manning
• Roxy Manning
• NVC parenting
• compassion
• self judgment
• self judgement
• self compassion
• stories
• self worth
• perfection
• education

It’s essential to give ourselves time to grapple with the complex feelings surrounding the brutality of state-sanctioned racism and violence. But if all we do is reflect and attend to our emotions we fail to show up, where and when it counts. So let's not perpetuate the violence by standing idly. Instead, here's ten things you can do to move into concrete action to address the continued, untenable, and horrific violence of racism. A list of resources is included.

This article was originally published on Oren's Website: https://www.orenjaysofer.com

• White fragility
• Privilege
• Racism
• Justice
• Ally
• Intervention
• Complicity
• Social Change
• Nonviolent Direct Action
• Complacency
• Solidarity
• Resource list
• Black Lives Matter
• Oren Sofer
• Oren Jay Sofer

Aya Caspi, looks at the stories we tell ourselves about human nature. Human nature is built around these stories and passed from one generation to the next. Beginning in childhood we are trained to take our place within the construct of this story.

The cycle has no beginning or end. Education and socialization influence human behavior, leading to theories of human nature we tell ourselves resulting in the impact upon social institutions that influence education and socialization. It is a cycle that perpetuates itself.

The stories of good versus evil are found all around the world and are a significant part of why domination based societies exist. in essence some people are trained to become "good slaves" through a punishment and reward system. Aya looks at ways to break free of this class system.

• Aya Caspi
• NVC
• authority
• being heard
• children
• communication
• collaboration
• conflict resolution
• dominant culture
• empathy
• energy of the need
• needs
• family
• parenting
• trauma
• Live Course Recordings