Welcome to the NVC Library

There is more to the NVC skill of Observation than the external level of what a video camera sees or hears. In this video, Roxy demonstrates that to fully understand what is happening, we need to know all three layers of observation: External, Internal, and Systemic. 

Relationship repair means building connection and care after disconnect and unmet needs. It requires intention to connect and take responsibility for your behavior by naming what didn’t work, offering empathy, and making a plan to do something differently next time. When you have enough empathy to find care and curiosity for them, reflect the other person's observation, thoughts, feelings, needs and requests. Focus on this more than on details of the event.

Have you ever had the experience of being truly heard and understood by another person? Or felt the astounding, breath-taking connection that arises when someone sheds all preconceived notions, gives you their full presence, and really sees you?

We call this The Amazing Power of Empathy – and the power does not stop there.

• Cultivate thriving interpersonal relationships
• Discover paths to move beyond anger, blame, and judgment
• Connect with the Divine essence in other people
• Experience greater ease and joy in all your interactions

Gregg Kendrick and Marie Miyashiro share the importance of nonviolent communication and needs awareness at multiple levels of organizational structure —individual, interpersonal, and organizational.

Use this worksheet to check to see if you’re making a request, rather than a demand. Clarify and connect your request to your needs. Check your motivations. Use a phrase, question, or empathy guess to connect to the person if they say “no”. See sample requests for actions, offers, and for deepening understanding.

Roxy Manning shares some strategies to support a child's natural curiosity when asking questions about physical differences using NVC skills.

Being heard is a core human need. But what if you don't like what the other person is saying: how do you hold onto your awareness of their humanity? Find out in this demonstration from Kathy Simon's course, Connect Across Differences.

Roxy Manning emphasizes positive relationships in parenting, highlighting acceptance, understanding, and compromise. She stresses the importance of being aware of one's needs, attuning to the other person's needs, fostering trust, and encouraging open communication, especially with children. The approach involves a balance between meeting both sets of needs for a healthier dynamic.

What happens when you or others get into evaluating what is the “right” need? (Disclaimer: This is a humor piece. To understand why this cartoon might be funny it’s useful to have some experience with NVC and the NVC community.)

If you answer yes to at least one of the questions below, then this course may be key to building the relationship you want with your children:

• Do you know in your bones that you want to build a relationship in which both your needs and those of your children are fully included?
• Are you tired of seeing yourself time and again using methods to get your children to "cooperate" that you don't actually subscribe to?
• Do you struggle to imagine how to find enough hours in the day to collaborate for real with your children?
• Do you brace for any conversation with extended family and community who criticize you for being too soft with your children? 
• Do you often feel all alone and wonder if you are actually on the right path?

We each have the power to be the creator of our own inner experience, no matter what is going on externally. The moment you imply wrongness on others, you give power to them. In this excerpt, Aya Caspi shows that the more self-responsibility you take, the more freedom you will have.  

Here are seven self inquiry questions. Half of them can help you assess your NVC consciousness. The other half can help you move from pain, fear, resistance, judgement, criticism, and shame – to love, compassion, understanding, appreciation, curiosity, and more.

When you experience an emotion, your body send a message to your brain that lights up the amygdala. Then what? Listen as Sarah Peyton demonstrates the NVC practice of Naming the Feeling and Need, which calms the amygdala and enables you to move into relational space.

Roxy Manning suggests that in navigating a situation where accusations of racism and a white savior complex arise, the facilitator emphasizes the distinction between intention and impact. Acknowledging the pain of the aggrieved person, the facilitator clarifies that racism is about impact, not necessarily intention. Encouraging a focus on the impact first, the facilitator invites understanding of the internal and systemic levels of the experience. Despite the person's insistence on their intention, the facilitator remains firm in prioritizing the discussion of impact. The goal is to create a space for acknowledging and addressing the impact before delving into intentions.