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NVC Resources on Exercises and Practices

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Making Demands

Trainer Tip "To practice nonviolence, first of all we must learn to deal peacefully with ourselves" —Thich Nhat Hanh When we ask something of a person and there will be negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply with our wish, we are actually making a demand. When we do this, she has only two possible responses: to rebel or to submit. Hard to believe? Consider what happens when you tell your...
Learning From Our Regrets

Trainer Tip Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. —Louis Pasteur Changing our focus from trying to win and be right to connecting is a paradigm shift. We are bound to make mistakes in the beginning, which may cause discomfort. Consider the times when you didn’t respond the way you wanted. How could you have handled that situation...
Making The Evolutionary Leap

Shared story has been a way for groups to unite in opposition to a common enemy. But more divergent and virulent beliefs/stories swirl through the internet, facilitating people to polarize against one another. So notice when you're caught in a polarizing story; try shifting focus to observing your mind; somatic presence; underlying commonality; consciousness as universal need, energy, and...
Empathic Listening Does Not Work Unless it is Empathic Listening

About 15 years ago I had regular interactions with an acquaintance of mine of whom I had lots of enemy images and judgements, and our interactions were not easy. Life moved on in a way that we nowadays barely meet briefly every few years, yet I still remember a piece of wisdom that he articulated then, and I only started to appreciate lately. In the midst of complex and emotionally charged...
In Robert's Words, A Journey of Gratitude

Robert's passion was in the spirituality of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process. He saw NVC both as a process that helps people connect more authentically with themselves and others, and as a spiritual practice and way of living. The worldwide NVC community mourned when Robert died in 2021. He left behind a legacy of work that emerged from a lifetime of inquiry into the intersection...
How Anger Can Help or Hinder

We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication. Anger is an important signaling system letting...
Find Agency With “Falling Out of Love”

Falling out of love is a myth that can create a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. It attributes disconnect to some vague force that descends upon your relationship. With key questions and the willingness to find clarity, you can access agency in the midst of “falling out love.” The initial experience of "falling in love" involves a short and intense period of time in which you both...
Finding Your Way from Judgment to Discernment

You aspire to live a life of integrity. You feel confident about a set of ethical standards to which you adhere. At the same time, you notice yourself get angry and judgmental when others don't follow your principles. It's confusing because you don't want to judge others, yet there has to be some moral standard, doesn't there?! From the framework of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, we can...
What to do When Racial Oppression and Privilege Collide

For over 10 years I ran a retreat to bring together members of the Global Majority* and white people. The intention was to help people from both groups learn ways they could show up and come together to combat racism. In one session, my co-trainer - a Latino man - shared a story about his experience of the police when he was a teenager. He and his brother had been stopped while driving home....
Guided Dialogue

In this snippet from Duke Duchscherer's course, Restorative Dialogues: Transforming Conflict, Building Community Resilience, he shares a structured approach for conflict resolution or communication facilitation. It involves a facilitator guiding a conversation between two parties in conflict. The process begins with one party expressing their perspective while the other listens actively. The...