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NVC Resources on Listening

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  1. We Don’t Need to Fix Other People

    We Don’t Need to Fix Other People

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/28/2019

    Trainer Tip: The very process of giving someone space to talk about their issue without our judgment, to be truly understood by us, and to be deeply heard is very healing, enough so that most people will organically find their own creative ways to resolve their issues. Rely on this process and you will lose all desire to fix people’s problems. Try this out today.

  2. You’re Not Too Much

    You’re Not Too Much

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 12/11/2021

    Trainer Tip: We all have the same needs, but may prioritize different needs at different times -- and that order of prioritization may look different from other people's perspectives. If your prioritization of needs isn't the same as another's, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you nor them. We can look for many ways to meet our prioritized needs.

  3. Getting Beyond Our Judgments So We May Connect

    Getting Beyond Our Judgments So We May Connect

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/26/2022

    Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

  4. Expressing Big Emotions Compassionately

    Expressing Big Emotions Compassionately

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 02/06/2024

    Trainer Tip: When we express frustration without blaming others and by clarifying our own needs and requests, we diminish the possibility of hurt feelings and separation in our relationships. So next time you feel very agitated or angry, rather than implying the other person is wrong or at fault, try the following: own your feelings, make a specific request, and rather than implying they need to give up their needs focus on your needs.

  5. Attending to Our Need for Love

    Attending to Our Need for Love

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 12/19/2023

    Trainer Tip: Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where your need for love is not met. Consider ways in which a partner or friend could meet your need for love. Be sure to request something the other person is capable of doing. Whatever the situation, it is our responsibility to clarify how we can meet our need for love, while also considering the abilities of our loved ones to comply with our requests.

  6. Observation is the awareness of our sensory perceptions and thoughts, separate from evaluations and judgments. Feeling involves bodily sensations and emotions, distinct from "faux feelings" that mix thought and emotion. Needs encompass universal human requirements for survival and wellness, while thoughts and evaluations express needs. Requests are rooted in connection and invite true willingness, rather than demanding compliance.
  7. Viewing Needs Through an Equity Lens

    Viewing Needs Through an Equity Lens

    Roxy Manning

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 5/5/2020

    "All humans share the same needs" -- tragically, this idea can hide the reality that some people with less power in society have needs that go unmet to a greater extent, much longer, and with more dire consequences. Often, when the marginalized bring up experiences related to their membership in a certain group, their pain isn't acknowledged, and focus shifts to the listener's discomfort. The concept of universal human needs can be used to silence and minimize their pain. Read on for how to proceed.

  8. Cause of Feelings

    Cause of Feelings

    Sylvia Haskvitz

    Audio · 13 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Many of us blame other people for our feelings but our own state of needs is the true cause. In this powerful audio, Sylvia teaches you how to manage your emotions in challenging situations and demonstrates the process of Screaming in Giraffe.

  9. Is NVC Always, in the End, “Just One-on-One”?

    Is NVC Always, in the End, “Just One-on-One”?

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 3 - 5 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "Can you share stories of transforming group conflict, or is NVC strictly intended for 'one-on-one' work?"

  10. Different Types of Requests

    Different Types of Requests

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "Could you share a list of types of requests, with examples of each and a possible strategy for formulating requests in conversation?"

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