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Judging or criticizing others indicates pain, unmet needs and a coping strategy. It distracts you from yourself and can give you the illusion of control. You may think you see more than they do, imagining criticism will bring change. But even a correct analysis won’t inspire change if they hear criticism. Instead, the moment you notice judgments or criticism turn towards yourself with compassion. What are your feelings and needs?

Trainer tip: Various life circumstances that can seem to be something that we don't want, and we may think of them as bad. And then later the situation may reveal that it's a circumstance that we do want, and we may think of it as good. Instead, of evaluating our day as good or bad we can acknowledge the feelings and needs that are present. Read on for a few anecdotes that illustrate this.

Trainer Tip: Today, identify the facts, without adding your ideas about why people behave in certain ways. Then consider connecting with the person about what was going on with them. You will find that the more you observe life without judgment and evaluation, the more open you will be to hearing and connecting with other people.

Trainer tip: From the NVC perspective, everything someone says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you". In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an appreciation in the form of judgment or evaluation. Remember, whether we judge someone as good or bad, judgments and evaluations can create disconnect or tension. Instead, notice how their actions have enriched life, and what feelings it stimulated.

A theory of judgment is that it is how we make sense of life and quickly assess what is safe or not safe. However, this has somehow been translated into right/wrong thinking. In this video, Aya explores different kinds of judgments and examples of each.

Bridget Belgrave, CNVC Certified Trainer from the United Kingdom, talks with an interviewer after he attends an NVC and Dance Floors workshop with her. The interviewer shares his reaction to the term "Nonviolent Communication."

The Compass – Arnina Kashtan's in-depth transformational process – is specifically designed to support you in reliably deepening your understanding of your own and others' conditioning, and finding ways to reclaim your full connection with yourself.

In parenting, Roxy Manning notes the tendency for self-judgment and external judgment. Roxy suggests that being a single parent or a working parent influences your ability to implement parenting strategies. The importance of assessing the feasibility of strategies in one's current life context is emphasized. Roxy encourages self-compassion and mourning the gap between desired and achievable outcomes. Her message encourages understanding personal constraints and practicing self-compassion in parenting.

Do you want to increase your capacity to identify and connect with feelings and needs?  Would you like to enhance your ability to translate judgments? Join Miki for this deep dive into feelings and needs.

Trainer Tip: Changing your thoughts can change the way people experience you. Just for today, see if you can notice when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself or other people. Then look to translate those thoughts into your feelings and needs. Read on for an example of how this works.