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This anecdote illustrates how a young man had the social awareness to consider how male conditioning may bring up competitiveness in his interactions with another man. The young man offered transparency and checked for consent in a way that shows an embodiment of power-with, togetherness, consideration, care, collaboration... and all without displaying any formal NVC training, and without looking to impress.

Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.

The American mythos of Independence Day is that liberty, equality, and opportunity are for all. Yet since the country's formation, these needs have been for some at the expense of others. It started with the brutal robbery and genocide of Native Americans and slavery of Africans. And this theme continued for generations in various forms, including how we related to other peoples, countries, and the ecosphere. To achieve true justice, liberty, and opportunity for all we may need to overcome the ego's sense of separation. Compassionate noncooperation may also be key.

Judgment is an attempt to protect from hopelessness or insecurity, at high cost. Instead, check in with fear, grief, or hurt. Then wonder what needs are at stake for everyone. This makes space for grief instead of anger, for negotiation rather than control, and for "calling in" rather than excluding. Wonder: “For whom would this be life-serving or not?”, “What strategies would care for all needs?” or, “What can I contribute now?”

When a person of color (A.K.A. a person from the Global Majority, or GM) tells a marginalization story that triggers a defensive response from a white participant in a group, to foster awareness and healing, leaders can address the white person's distress with empathy, highlighting the common dynamic of prioritizing white pain. From there, leaders can offer GM participants opportunity to share their experience and make requests of the group.

In this snippet from Duke Duchscherer's course, Restorative Dialogues: Transforming Conflict, Building Community Resilience, he shares a structured approach for conflict resolution or communication facilitation. It involves a facilitator guiding a conversation between two parties in conflict. The process begins with one party expressing their perspective while the other listens actively. The facilitator then prompts the listener to paraphrase what they heard, ensuring mutual understanding. This cycle continues until both parties feel heard. Subsequently, the facilitator encourages them to discuss potential solutions collaboratively. Once both sides are satisfied, the session concludes, with participants potentially swapping roles for further practice. The aim is for everyone involved to gain experience in effective communication and conflict resolution.

Ask the Trainer: "I have the understanding that the unconscious is vast compared to conscious mind. When I state 'needs' how well can I depend on there being something beneath my awareness that is actually the motivation?"

Trainer Tip: "Sometimes we are dissatisfied in our primary relationship, yet the thought of making a change is scary, so we stay in it. Sometimes we think we're afraid to learn the truth, so we don't ask direct questions."