
NVC Resources on Empathy
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In this inspiring video, Gina Cenciose, CNVC Certified Trainer and Inner Relationship Focusing Guide and Instructor, offers an in-depth view of the distinctions and similarities between NVC and Inner Relationship Focusing (also known as IRF and Focusing).
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Trainer Tip: Even if we don't agree, acknowledging others' realities can help demonstrate that we're including their feelings and needs in the conversation. Creating space for your reality and theirs can also bring a sense of connection, understanding, inclusion, abundance and fullness in life. Try it today. Read on for an example.
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Trainer Tip: When we withhold our truth or lie, we can create emotional and physical distance in our relationships. By being honest, we can strengthen relationships. And when someone doesn’t appreciate your honesty, try empathizing with them. It can help to notice how your actions stimulate feelings in other people -- even as they are not the cause of their feelings.
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LoraKim Joyner addresses the sense of overwhelm that can accompany holding the needs of the many. Practicing self-empathy is a pathway to living in the tension of mutually holding my needs and the needs of others.
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Listen to Jim and Jori Manske share their understanding of discernment to gain clarity, insight, and wisdom for making life-serving distinctions and choices.
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Unless we change our collective ways on the planet, we will one day exceed the earth’s carrying capacity. We can only address the planet's very real limits of physical resources at the level of social organization. To operate empathically is to adjust our collective social order and patterns so that resources are more widely available and everyone's needs are met no matter what their output, income, power, circumstances, etc. Can we envision a future where the system is infused with this level of empathy, before it's too late?
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Trainer Tip: We have four choices of how to respond to someone, even when they say things that are hard to hear. We can blame the speaker, blame ourselves, we can self empathize by acknowledging our feelings and needs, or we can empathize with the other person's feelings and needs. Be aware of these options and consciously make your choice based on the needs you want to meet.
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Trainer Tip: To defuse anger and create space for resolution, hear the other person’s feelings and needs. If this practice is new to you, you're like to experience fear and resistance in trying it out. However, you'll be more likely to experience a powerful shift, and build your capacity, if you try it anyways.
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If someone asks you to love them as is, try wondering what contributes to their need for acceptance. Loving someone and empathizing with them, doesn't mean you can't make requests for change. Recall that your requests are about your needs, not about them. Understand that requests may not be met due to lack of resources or skills, even if the desire is there. Clarify how important the request is to you and how negotiation can look.
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Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.